1 AM Wake Up

At 1 AM last night, Lupus woke me up.

I used to be such a deep sleeper that nothing used to wake me up but now, sleep is an elusive thing.  Because of the pain, it is hard to fall asleep and to stay asleep.  Last night was especially bad.

For about 4 hours, I was too sick to do anything.  There was vomiting, coughing, and lots of crying.  My poor husband did not get any sleep trying to do everything he can to ease the pain.  There isn't that much to do in times like these.  Nothing really helps.

This is what it feels like. . .  imagine if a few guys beat you up for a few hours, kicking and punching you while you lie helpless on the floor.  Then with bruised muscles and broken bones, they chain you up and throw you in the ocean.  Here, you think, mercifully, you must now die but instead, they duck tape a straw in your mouth, just enough for you to breath but not well or comfortably.  You are nauseous and dizzy. But your hands are chained, so you cannot do anything.  You cannot let more air in or cut the air altogether.  So you suffer.  For hours.

Then Lupus lets you go for awhile.

The breathing gets a little easier, the painkillers kick in, and I fall asleep for a few hours at the comforting hands of my husband and his whispers promising me a better day.