The salutatorian at my cousin's high school graduation urged his fellow graduates to take the path less traveled. Using his experience as a caretaker to his wheel chair bound brother (due to a degenerative neurological disorder), he analogized living life to either taking well-laid steps or taking the less predictable ramps. A rather weak anaology but I got the point.
Of course, let us not forget that the path less traveled is less traveled for a reason. I, for one, am not a risk taker. I like planning. And I like following through with the plans. This ensured that the outcome will be something expected. Sure there are deviations and modifications along the way, afterall, one has to plan for the unexpected. But I never planned for a chronic illness. I guess no one does.
I have been thrown off kilter and let loose on an untraveled path by an unpredictable force. I don't know if and when I will get better. I don't know what remission will be like. I don't know if I can resume being a litigator. I don't know if I can have another baby. I don't know if I will have a near death experience again. Because there is so much that I do not know and do not have any control over, I cannot plan. It is an unnerving feeling.
The salutatorian summed up his speech with a very good point though, that by taking a planned path, you are not living your life but reading a script. In many ways, I agree with him. It is not unusual to set a plan and then to blindly follow it without really taking a moment to assess it. I hope that living this uncertain life will allow me to actually live it.
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